WHEN A BIRD SINGS....

Not really knowing what to expect when you decide to make commitments.. But what I have learned about love is that you have to be open to "being loved".. I have loved plenty.  However, being loved in the most genuine way was initially difficult... I am talking about love you don't have to fight for.. Love that comes running for you.. Love that makes you a priority.. Love that do whatever it takes to make you feel secure. This love came in a package sent to me by God... I was resistant after first, but when I removed my rose-tented glasses, I was able to see all I ever needed to see.. It didn't take a ring for me to know I wanted to commit (but that's cool too - in my hoodrat voice).. Once I made the decision to create life with him, I made my commitment there. I do not make these decisions lightly and I cannot predict the future.. I can only say in this present day...I am content, I am happy and I am willing.. I love you my Marvelous...

You are my constant When I was learning, growing and changing, you were my present I've always wrestled with the end goal of love.. ..of companionship not really knowing what that looked like but through life experiences and learnings, I persisted not allowing my past to dictate the future but allowing the past to help direct I've had many experiences all that I am so grateful for because I can now sit before you today and say I am ready I have been groomed I have been refined I know the purpose and above all, it is to be loved to be open to accepting love to be flexible to other desires I have ran to you I have ran away from you at times I have felt undeserving   but now I run closer with my heart willing and open the only true constant in life is change I'm forever evolving As my constant, you know that more than anyone   But i'll let my actions speak Howe...

Boy do I miss it. I miss being in love. I may be having a hard time giving it, but I miss it. I miss when it comes so effortlessly. I miss feeling comfortable. I miss feeling butterflies. I miss feeling enjoyed. I miss looking at him nervously. I miss being in love. Its a wonderful feeling.

Broken..the feeling of being shattered The heart…once solid…now in pieces Confused…not sure how this happened to me, to us The union….so strong, believed to be unbreakable The seed…replenishes the earth, brings joy and life, carries on your legacy Devotion…can it still stand? What room is there left for me? ______________________________________________________ Who knew a hurt like this before? My perfect vision being jolted by reality Could it have ever been perfect? I idealized us, what we were and what I wanted us to be Now faced with truth and the limitations of my imagination How to move forward? Where’s the tools? Life has cheated me; provided me with no armor to face this So I sit, think, contemplate…and pray to the universe for a vision of realism

Really, the title of this blog is just to remind myself not to do the above! I am still working through a pretty big heartbreak and is difficult.  For the most part, I.....ummm... kind of okay.  But there are some days that I get really bummed out about it.  It is really hard to go from having someone to having no one.  Especially when that someone was like your everything.  That someone became your family, brother, best friend and lover.  Then all of a sudden....its all gone.  It's very hard to cope with that reality.  And being out of it, I can see why people would want to stay.  Its comfortable! You get used to that way of life! Couldn't stand the fact of being alone!  How am I coping? Staying close to friends and family.  Loved ones.  Surrounding myself with people who love me unconditionally.  Surrounding myself with genuine people.  Appreciating the love and affection from my Reese's Cup.  Trying to focus...

One day I fell in love Ohh how beautiful it was His soul was godly and his touch like an angel One day I fell in love I didn't know the outcome, but my mind didn't take the journey for granted Like love birds we connected and we flew when our eyes closed because the day i fell in love; I swear it was outta this world

What is this about good girls like bad guys? Or Nice guys finish last? Uhh, I think not!! I think we are attracted to who we are attracted too.  Just because you are a nice guy...well that doesn't turn me off.  You think I go into situations like .." yea, I'm really looking for a jerk!!" LOL Uhh, no!  I can also say, I've never passed up a nice guy because he was just too nice.  I'm saying, that’s absolutely ridiculous.  I've passed through nice guys just as I've passed through "bad guys”.  Before I wrote this, I was trying to pinpoint one reason why I’ve passed along nice guys in the past.  Well, guess what! I couldn’t….there has been multiple different reasons.  Here are some: Getting to know you stage: well this can both be super fun or long and dry.  I’d like to think that I don’t stay in this stage long.  Well, I just move pretty fast.  So if its gonna take forever for us to move out of this phase, I’m just going to get bo...

When two becomes one....well when does that happen? If we take a moment to be really literal...never! But if we consider this metaphorically....cohabitation! How do you successfully bring two people together under one roof? How do you bring two upbringings together and make them both understanding of each other? How do we learn to bend? When do we know not to bend? How do you keep the spark lit? How do you build a family? This is something that has been on my mind a lot! I live in a generation where "blended families" are suitably becoming the norm.  And actually, I am approaching the age where many more people around have children.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately.  How does one know that they are ready to have "children"? How does one comfortably take part in a "blended family" when only one partner brings children into the relationship? From experience, I know that this is not an easy task.  Its very hard to understand the lo...

One day I fell in love Ohh how beautiful it was His soul was godly and his touch like an angel One day I fell in love I didn’t know the outcome But my mind didn’t take the journey for granted Like love birds we were connected And we flew when our eyes closed Because the day I fell in love I swear it was outta this world

So when is a good time to get rid of all reminders of the EX's? Do you not keep old pictures, text, emails around...when involved with someone new? Is there a general rule to this...thoughts??

So it was the summer of 2009; my first encounter with a Pimp...not just any pimp, but muthaf"ing Fillmore Slim...and this is how it goes So I am at one of my routine locations...MUA's to be exact, and the place was packed. I'm partaking in an alcoholic beverage. It had probably been my second round, so I was "in the building and feeling myself." I am laughing, talking and enjoying myself, when I start to feel a strong hand grab me by the waist. At that moment I'm so very tickled. I turn around and I have been pulled closed to a gentlemen who was tall, slim and mighty old!!! I mean I just knew he was over 70!! He's wearing a top hat and a brown pin strip suit. Before I could even comment on how aggressive he was in his approach; he bends down and whisper in my ear : "I need to have you." LOL I'm like "huh" Because I am a sometimes overly friendly person...I entertain the conversation. He's like "what do you want bec...

Kindred souls...are spirits are enhanced as our union begins to tell an untold story; because I swear I knew him before I met him Right now, I write for you...because through chaos and commotion only thoughts of us shows clarity So I question my safety...my mind is at its most stable focused on you But I put my faith in hope and the possibility...that it is possible for our skin to connect as one...because that's simply the only way to know I am completely yours... I work it out on paper...so I can ensure my thoughts clearly reflect these emotions I only think of myself as a bother sometimes because even when we are not united in this physical space...the Earth somehow routes a piece of your soul to me....so I feel always with you I can't fully decide; if this is gravity pulling us together or some master plan of yours unfolding Kindred souls...because although we may deny it; our destines have been predetermined.

Okay, we all have done it...dialed the wrong number...and the person that picks up, well maybe has a cute voice. So you can just politely say..."ohh sorry, I have the wrong number" and proceed to hang up OR you can engage in conversation to make life interesting. Well if you have read my other blogs in this topic then you know that I like to make life interesting. So this all happened about a year or so ago... I dialed the wrong number and a decent sounding guy answers the phone. I start to engage in conversation with him and he became more intrigued about me. We probably talked on the phone several of times and we decided to finally meet up (sounds like a party line or something..lol). So I was going to meet him outside his house because it was in my neighborhood ironically. I came looking extra fly, well not on purpose but I actually was meeting up with friends to go to dinner that night. So anyways, as I get out the car...I couldn't help but notice that he was ki...

If I wanna go...would you come leave far away from here...where no one knows us; and the energy of the earth just allows us to be If I wanna go..would you come? Fly to a place...where the moon is brighter than the sun; but our glow is what guides us If I wanna go...would you come? Land at a place where only love and peace is allowed...but our fire sometimes spark controversy Wherever I go...I just want you there...so this is only a clever way of asking...Do you mind taking place of my shadow?

This is the life long question: why do good girls date bad guys? [Random: I was in the line for traffic court and there was a very "colorful"woman standing in front of me. Colorful meaning she was loud and obnoxious. lol But anyways, she made a valid point: "Why our baby daddy's are no good, but are man is"] Anyways, I don't have a baby daddy (and I hope not to never refer to the father of my children as such) but i understand her point. I know I have definitely fallen for the rough on the edges kind. Someone who if I was to write down our behavioral characteristics they just wouldn't align. Possessive Selfish Cocky Hood (in one way or another) So why do we feel the need to filter through the bad ones, and even some of us decide to have our children with them. Then when the good one comes along..we kind of don't know how to respond. It is as if we do not feel deserving. So why don't we? Some level of insecurity there. Speaking for myself. ...

Okay, so its not what you think…or maybe it is…but not really..lol Okay, so I was at the usual reggae spot in Sacramento. I happen to go on a day where they were showcasing underground rap artist. One guy happened to stand out. Following his performance, I walked up too him..show him the normal love that I show people. He had given me his name…then it sounded so familiar.. So maybe it was like 3 weeks prior..I was reading an urban magazine about local artist. And it was the same name ..we’ll call him Neo. So Neo was in this article, and now I had meet him in person.. (back to the club) I had asked had he recently been featured and he told me. I found that to be so ironic. He explained that he was..then invited me to hang with him at his hotel. So I told my homegirl that I was going to go after we had left. She was totally against it, but I thought it was fate (LOL). So I went…we was there alone..we talked for hours about music, art, Locs, Ea...

So one summer...I met a guy..we'll call him Maximus (why? because I love Ancient Greek names..lol) So I was hanging out with some friends of mines; doing the normal bar hopping. My guy friend had told me and my homegirl that he had to meet up with some friends. So we met the friends, and I happen to have met one before (and he had to make known that we had a "session" together in the car; while driving in Oakland). The other guy, Maximus, i was immediately attracted too. He fit my typical "OMG! I think I'm in love" look...brown skin, tall, scruffy beard and locs!! But honestly..I didn't have plans to like get with him..i just thought he was cute. So that night.. we all went to a building in downtown Oakland. He had keys. We went to the rooftop and all enjoyed getting out of our bodies. During this..me and Maximus did a lot of talking to each other.. he made me laugh, like a lot...so I enjoyed that..he left me with a nice feeling Following that da...