WHEN A BIRD SINGS....

One thing that I have been struggling with lately has been friendships. Friendships. Seems as you start to get older, you start to drift apart from friends. Also, as you get older, it becomes difficult to make new friends.  Now that I have lived in Maryland for 2 years, it has been difficult coming to terms with the distance that I am away from friends (and family) back home. However, I think I believed I had a different expectation of how our friendships may evolve due to the distance. Yes, we are no longer in the same physical area, but that wouldn't caused a wedge in our union. (I now beg to differ). I do not hear much from my friends back home. Hell, I haven't had anyone visit either. Maybe a casual group text or a #shoutout here and there, but not the way I would like. I do not have social media, so I do not have that instant gratification of knowing what your friends are up too. BUT, I know I do what I can. I call, I text, I Marco Polo (a more intimate social media pl...

I have had two different people call me out this week about my reluctance for help/assistance.  About the forthcoming of my independent spirit and my desire to do it alone.  I have to acknowledge that this is something that I am working on. I have a very strong spirit.  I am committed to making sure that my life is in my hands.  I want to make sure that I have given myself a fair shot and put forth all the effort I have to get me where I want to go (where is it that I want to go? Umm, that I am still discovering).   However, sometimes my strong spirit gets in the way of accepting help from others.  I am really not sure where this independent mind of minds came from.  Maybe it has something to do with being the oldest child.  I have always wanted to do things "on my own." But I do acknowledge, that no success, no hurdle I have crossed, was done all by myself. I think sometimes I am afraid of showing vulnerability.  For whatever reason, I...

If there is one thing that I know for certain, is that there are so many realities among us all.  It is so many ways to live this human experience.  So when questioning, what is right or what is wrong? How does one do so? The beauty of life is that no one has the answer. Well, see..even some would dispute me about that one. LOL. I find it very interesting that we are building relationships everyday with people who may or may not share our beliefs about "reality".  Like, what is the purpose of this human experience? Like, what is the most robust way of living? How do we build these relationships and come together, and value each other's stance on what reality means for each other.  How important is it to build with those who do not share your stance on reality? What impact does it have to only surround yourself with like consciousness? I think about this as a person who carries a lot of passion in what I have presumed to be my reality so far.  I say that beca...

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart.  For a couple of different reasons.  So, the first thing I did was meditate.  I felt that it was important that I center myself.  And bring down my emotions and calm my heart.  Then I played a series of gospel songs because for me its inspirational music.  It feels good to the soul whether I identify with the Christian religion or not, its purely GOOD SOUL music.  It awakens the spirit.  Checking my daily news, and the Paris attacks are everywhere.  More videos of terrorist threats. Retaliation strikes. Deaths. Sadness. Fear.  You see on popular social networking, with people pouring out their support and sympathy.  You see others recognizing and calling out all the other atrocities that has happened (a lot to a people of color) that has not gotten this level of attention or media coverage. Value of life. 1st world, "2nd world" (okay, what is that). 3rd world.   Governments,...

OMG! Today is a perfect reminder of exactly how I am feeling about life at this moment.  We work really hard to plan for our life. Well, let me speak for myself.  I do a lot of planning. Its really hard for me not to.  Although, in helping with my depression, I have worked really hard to live day to day. Not worrying about the future,because I cannot concern myself with the unknown.  I think its a true balance with living everyday and also, staying open and having some room for flexibility. Today, I woke up with a plan.  I had even dreamed of this plan.  I was going to get to the laundry by 6:30a, go to Zumba at 9am, then go to target to get me a blender, then take the bus to Farmer Joe's for my 5 day detox nutrition.  SO, I got up this morning, made it to the laundry, then realized I left my wallet at home.  I put my clothes in the machines, and ran back home.  I searched my house up and down and could not find it.  I remember havin...

I had been doing some thinking about how to make difficult decisions in life?  I actually decided to Google it...lol, because of course Google knows everything.  One of the first things that came up was a T.E.D talk by Ruth Chang.  I am not that into the T.E.D talk movement, but I decided to give it a shot.  I am not going to go into great detail about what the video was about (will provide the link at the end of this blog), but one thing that stood out that she discussed was how decision-making relates to our values. I took a moment to think about, okay, what are my values? Honestly, I could not come up with anything.  So this evening, I took sometime to do some research.  Leave it to an academic to always want to research some sh*t. LOL In doing some reading about values, the first question that comes up is: What is important to me?  Values are important because they help to guide our actions.  They reflect, or at least should reflect how we...

Well today I decided to finally erase all of my social networking websites. Why you ask? Well because that's how I woke up feeling..lol It's been a love hate relationship with social networking.  I have used it like most people for a tool to keep up to date on family, friends, celebrities, random folks with locs, random folks who take cool pictures, random people who have interesting things to say.  All that good stuff...But one of my biggest issues has been overexposure! Like feeling the need to share that I was at this event, or did this, or accomplished this.  Now granted, I don't feel like these are things that I wouldn't never share, but how come I'm sharing it with that one dude that I went to junior high with who I haven't seen since high school and I don't even have his phone number.  Kinda weird right? Overexposure.  I was talking to a friend about whats next? whats next with all this social networking/reality stuff...I say the Truman Show! O...

So I've just heard this recently from my dove. I've also heard this from my mother. I've also heard this from my close girlfriends. "RAVEN, YOU LIKE CRAZY" Umm...weird right??! It began when I was a teenager. I would always attract,uhh, not so normal people. They would come and talk to me..at the bus stop, grocery store, etc etc. I would ask my mom "why do crazy people always talk to me?" At the time...my definition of crazy were "social rejects." Anyways, as I have gotten older and involved in many different kinds of situations and relationships...I begin to wonder..do I really like crazy?? Okay, life is complicated...but do I enjoy this complication? Do I feed off it? On paper...I believe Raven is much simpler...however, when I begin to think about myself...i believe I have much more complexities than I can even bare to understand at this point.

So I feel like we have been socialized to prepare for the worst. And i am not sure why. Well, I guess it can come in handy when you are talking about practical things such as school, career, finances. Maybe that is the case. It is good to have a Plan A, B, C. However can you prepare for the worst when it comes to love and happiness? In love and happiness, preparing for the worst...is prepping yourself for a heartbreak. I think if I spent my time occupying my mind with the "would ifs" and if all those "would ifs" are negative; I will drive myself crazy. I also believe that in the process of preparing for the worst; you make your mind believe or come up with things. You also start to do things unlike yourself. If you are trying to enjoy an experience with another individual, and all you can think about is the negative "would ifs", then you may push yourself away. I am working on living in the moment. Trying to withstand the things that are outside ...

Just when it is expected that i'll blog something about "the new me" or "changes for 2011".... As 2011 begins, I do minimal reflecting on 2010 because it was a very rough year for me. The top positive was me going to graduate school...other than that; it was rough!! But the summer of 2009 is by far one of the best times in my life. I always talk about how i'm not sure what all I was doing (actually, I know exactly what I was doing...guys, alcohol, and dancing). I had decent paying jobs, but I was at my mom's house. For a moment, I beat myself up about that...and thats what kept me out of the house!! I was avoiding my reality. Either way...doing just that, I had an F'n good time. I went out a lot, partied, meet a few new people, just enjoyed being me. "These goes my baby"-Charlie Wilson...that was my anthem!! I was also a karaoke fiend!! LOL...i'm reminiscing because although all these things may seem...umm...minuscule or without su...

[disclaimer: as you can see...I said "unborn" , but actually she hasn't even been conceived!! LOL, so please don't fill my FB and Twitter accts with "are you preggers?" questions. And for those like...*cough* Lijah...who continues to insist that I may not have a daughter, but a son...I say "whatever". Because as you can see...my unborn daughter makes me strong...so even if she only remains a figment of my imagination, she is helpful in my growth] [to my unborn son...I love you just as much and don't think I forgot about you...but its a woman thing! And you'll understand because I only imagine you being one of the most bright, consciously aware men on the planet] Dear Daughter, I woke up at 5:00am this morning. With more than one thing on my mind, but one being you. Just to let you know...omg, girl! you have a lot of pressure on you and you are not even here. First, I wanted to thank you because you inspire me. You inspire me to wan...

I will be the first to say that I doubt myself. It is actually something hard to admit. We would like to believe that we have so much faith in ourselves and we believe in our self more than anyone. But I've learned that more people believe in me than I sometimes believe in myself. I am trying to understand why. Since the beginning of grad school (i know, i am only on week three) I have been questioning if this is meant for me. Asking myself "am I suppose to be here?" So I think....I think hard about where I came from, and about my accomplishments so far. So if I was to write it all down..it makes sense on paper that I am here. My rap sheet would say that this stage in my life is inevitable. I suppose I tend to compare myself with others...which is a horrible thing to do? But when you are sitting in a classroom and you feel that everyone is competing it is hard to do so. I believe I wrote something about this before...so maybe I need to revisit it...but the questi...

I am sitting here watching the "Hope for Haiti Now." And I just don't understand what the heck is going on? My first question is: "Where is the Dominican Rrepublic" in all this? So why have they not gotten enough supplies there? It only make sense to me for them to move the people; maybe on ships and try to save others. Why am I seeing people on the TV begging for food? And now I am sitting here watching Entertainers who are making 13 million a MOVIE asking me to donate $10!! Don't get me wrong!! I definitely think we should all do are part because for sure people have to care about other people (especially Black people; just my belief). But how about all these people who gross more than $400 million a year. Why don't they all drop a few maybe ten million. Can't this get Haiti out of this mess? It seems like its just a bunch of people dying out there; not getting the support thats needed. We are all smart people; and I am sure that we have pla...

Like Keyshia Cole says (damn, FYI Keyshia is pregnant...lol). I wish I had to ability to just let things go...not have stuff on my head or on my heart..must be nice not to have estrogen!! "If I were a Boy" LMAO I wonder...WWJD?

How do we relate to each other without fully understanding who you are? Is it possible...I'm sure because we all do it everyday!!! Can you be happy with someone else without being totally happy with who you are??

"IF I GO CRAZY THEN WILL YOU STILL CALL ME SUPERMAN"....wait, the song has nothing to do with this blog...but I just LOVE KARAOKE!! [random tidbit] Okay, so I have a hard time of letting go of certain people. Do you have that same issue? Like it may be one or two or maybe three people who are consisently in and out of your life. You try very hard to remove them... like erasing their number (knowing you know it by heart anyway), removing anything that reminds you of them into a box (although you frequent the box once they run across your mind); even going to the extreme of changing your number (and somehow they always get it...or you eventually call them and they have it) Kryptonite...what to do...WWJD??

So i am not sure what it is. But, I mean...i've been hit on by girls before. But every since my locs has gotten a little longer...the amount of lesbians hitting on me has increased. I am not sure if I am giving off a "I Kissed A Girl and I liked it" vibe or what!! The craziest story ever: I was at a house party...this girl was hella staring at me. So I'm like she must know me..but she is giving me a very weird look. So I am talking to my homegirl like what the hell is this girl looking at. Then she walks by me and hella stares me up and down. So I instantly turn west Oakland and tell my homegirl..."we about to have problems in here"...so the girl go stands at a distance..then she just just hella staring!! So i can't take..I walk over to her... and I'm like "Uh, do we know each other"...and she goes" No, not yet, but you over there looking hella good...so whats up"...I can't believe it, it was the last thing I was expecti...

So, I've made it to 24...thank God, because there is still so much on the Earth that I have not had the opportunity to experience; Food I want to taste, places I want to see, boys I want to date...lol. I just want to thank God for allowing me to live to see this age and blessing me with family, friends, a home, job, car...and all that other stuff I've always thought of 24 as a real grown up age. Its a few years past 21, so I'm no longer barely legal. I have a few things that I want to happen before I turn 25 and here they are: Enjoy!! GET INTO UC DAVIS COMMUNITY AND REGIONAL DEVELOPMENT GRADUATE SCHOOL GO OUT OF THE COUNTRY (HAVEN'T DECIDED WHERE YET) VISIT SAUNDRE IN DC, MY COUSIN JEREMY IN HOUSTON CONTINUE GROWING MY LOCS "DUMMY LONG" MAINTAIN MY WEIGHT AT ITS CURRENT SIZE (MAYBE MINUS A POUND OR TWO) HAVE SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL TO SPEND MY 25TH BIRTHDAY WITH PAY OFF MY CREDIT CARD CONVINCE MY ...

Thanks Destiny's Child for the lyrics: this time is for me, you been doing you...im gon do me...finally I don't care, Ima keep it real with you Aint no feeling like being (free),when your minds made up and my hearts in the right place yeah Aint no feeling like being (free)when you done all you could but was misunderstood (its all good its all good) Aint no feeling like being (free)Im like an eagle set free and finally Im looking out for me Aint no feeling like being( free)Cause my minds made up and my heart is in the right place

I'm going through a heartache and trying to deal with it...I've been googling "Best R&B Break Up Songs" to help ease the pain... During my search, I realized that most of the break up songs talk about how "I miss you" "I'm not over you" "I still want you back"...and I'm like what the f*ck!! What happened to the Kelis style of "I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW" (not to say that I hate 'em, but I do hate how I feel) Right now, I'm off that Mariah Carey "Shake it Off", Heather Headley "I wish I wasn't" , Rihanna "Rehab", Beyonce "Me, Myself and I", and Keyshia Cole before the sexier side of her...any other suggestions?? WWJD?