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SO, you think you have a plan?

OMG! Today is a perfect reminder of exactly how I am feeling about life at this moment.  We work really hard to plan for our life. Well, let me speak for myself.  I do a lot of planning. Its really hard for me not to.  Although, in helping with my depression, I have worked really hard to live day to day. Not worrying about the future,because I cannot concern myself with the unknown.  I think its a true balance with living everyday and also, staying open and having some room for flexibility.

 Today, I woke up with a plan.  I had even dreamed of this plan.  I was going to get to the laundry by 6:30a, go to Zumba at 9am, then go to target to get me a blender, then take the bus to Farmer Joe's for my 5 day detox nutrition.  SO, I got up this morning, made it to the laundry, then realized I left my wallet at home.  I put my clothes in the machines, and ran back home.  I searched my house up and down and could not find it.  I remember having too much stuff in my hands yesterday while biking  (including my dog) so its very possible I just lost it.  I checked my account and no activity.  SO, I searched again.  Eventually, I chopped it up as a lost.  As distraught as I felt, I pushed myself to continue on.  I searched for some change, and managed to find about $7.  Bought me 2 bananas, and decided to make the $7 work for me today.

 After I left Jamaica, I was left with a feeling of uncertainty.  Jamaica really showed me another way of life.  Another way of thinking.  If I had a dollar for every time one of my Jamaican homies said "you worry to much". I always knew it was another way of living outside of the way I have been living as an American. However, Jamaica was the first time I had seen it with my own eyes.  Being exposed to what it means to be poor in Jamaica just had me questioning how I live.  I embraced the simple life that the folks had.  I opened myself up to feel all the love that was around me.  I was honored for my friend to take me to his home that he built with his hands.  I just love the vibe of the people. The Black people.  They were everywhere! And they were all so beautiful.

 So, I got home...and boom! Instant clash at work.  And Boom! Instant clash with someone I've been seeing.  It was very unsettling.  I am also very new to this vacation thing.  So, I now know it is not good to go from a vacation, directly into work; one must wind down.  And I did not give myself that time...so it just all caught up with me and I yelled out "TIME OUT! I NEED A TIME OUT"

 So, I let all of my loved ones know that I was going to be taking some time to myself.  To do some thinking.  If I had a dollar every time some one said to me "Raven, you think too much" LOL...I first would have to agree and then I'll be a rich woman.  

 I figured I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.  I just did not want people asking me hecka questions, and then me giving all the answers because I am an open person.  Sometimes I over expose myself.  I leave myself open for judgement because I am so forthcoming.  

 In my time alone...what do I plan to do? I plan to:

 Detox (once I get some money! lol)
Meditation
Identify wants- write them out, non-negotiables in life
Read

 How long is this? Sh*t I have no idea. 

 I really did think I had a plan about this life stuff.  Right now, What do I know? I know that I am young, single, attractive, gainfully employed, no children, able-bodied, educated, caring, willing to love, critical thinker, goddess in training...etc....all of these things give me so many different opportunities.  "The world is my oyster." I have it at my disposal.  I can literally do ANYTHING I want.  

 Sometimes having all that power, can clam you up...

 WWJD?
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