WHEN A BIRD SINGS....

I am going through this internal battle about me and my relationships with my friends. Its very hard. I am finding it very hard to sort my thoughts. I am not quite sure what to do? how to do it? Well here is the issue... Have you ever felt that you are giving your friends more than what they give you? Well I live in Sacramento, and most of my friends are back in Davis or in Oakland. I do most of the keeping in contact with people. If it wasn't for me, we would probably talk and see each other only every other month or so. So I know what I should do....I should be giving people as much as they are giving me...But consider this...if everyone is giving me 50%...then what am I left with....I guess I could focus my energy on something else...like my studies, working out, life, finances...yeah, but thats boring stuff (I HATE RESPONSIBILITIES)...I do want to have fun with my friends...I hate being alone...I love being around people...so if I cut them out, then what...but if I don...

So....I decided to drink tonite...why? I guess because I have been working hella hard this week and the f*cking strike is NEXT WEEK!! SO...I'm like f*ck it!! I'm drinking tonight!! Well anyways me and the Boyfriend are having a drink together....my drink of choice was Jack and Vanilla Coke...yeah people say i'm hella old for drinking Jack and Coke...but i love it...i mean i F*CKING love it...and screw what other people think...my boyfriend drink of choice is Ever Williams and Coke...its a Whiskey, so our mines was in the same place.... Well right now...im on some i dont give a f*ck what other people think...but in reality i think that what other people have to say about you does seem to determine your behavior sometime...i hate it when people are like that they just dont care what other people think....i do believe that there are people who are like this...but that is slim...lets be honest with ourselves...sometimes we don't wanna hear the why'd you do this or the...

Yea, I know...im a big flirt!! I get it all the time. I remember back in high school when a teacher called my mom in for a parent and teacher conference (who would have known? a 4.0 student needing parent/teacher conferences....thats because the teacher was a hater...she was the one who halted my 4.o for a whole year because she just refused to give me higher than a C...isn't that just f*cked up!! Like whats her beef with me....How am I getting A's in all the rest of my classes and only one C....just doesn't make any sense...well after that parent/teacher conference...and my mom checkin' her....she gave me a B....as you can see I'm still a little bitter...let me get back on topic). One of her complaints (on top of the fact that I spoke my mind and I refused to let a teacher just sit on her ass) was that I flirt to much with the boys. It wasn't always this way. In elementary I was a bit quiet and skinny (until I had Larry). Then going into junior high school ...

I was in Atlanta this weekend. This is probably the third time that I've been out there; however, I am always amazed at how many black people are there. During my first visit...I didn't really notice it too much because I was doing a lot of the tourist things. But this time around I ran into a lot of the locals. It was just kind of amazing to see black people everywhere. I'm from California. A place where all shades of people are just everywhere. So I am not used to just being around people like myself. Even at the restaurants...the hostess, waitress/waiter, busters, cooks...were all black!! My boyfriends says that most of his working building (Fulton County Health Department) is black. I sat and envisioned a place like that. How would it be to work around nothing but black people? Some people are more comfortable when they are around people of there same ethnic background. I can agree to this. I do enjoy being around people like me; however, I do not have to ...

So I currently reside in Sacramento, Ca. I moved out here about 8 months ago. I never really visited Sacramento much while I lived in Davis (15 minutes away, this could be because I didn't have a car...even more embarrassing I didn't learn to drive until I was 20...anyways that a story for a different entry) So anyways, one of the first things I notice was the abundance of interracial couples. Its all over the place. The perfect place to see this is....the grocery store. Anytime I walk into a grocery store, this is all that I see. For the most part, it is black males with white women. You see little light skinned, curly head kids everywhere. I know that people fall in love with the individual, so it really doesn't matter to me. But I never seen it so widespread. I believe that Sacramento has become the safe haven. I even have family, thats from Oakland, who I know dated within their race when they lived in Oakland. However, when they came to Sacramento...they st...