WHEN A BIRD SINGS....

Sometimes I think of it as all a dream. Like who would have imagined. God blessed us with a beautiful boy. He is literally perfect. Everything I could have never imagined him to be. I am forever grateful for him. Its been 6 months since our Magnus graced us with his earthly presence. It’s been a joy. We have watched him grow ever so quickly. Everything a parent once told me, is absolutely correct! (and I hate when folks are right lol). But children grow very quickly, you must stop and take in every moment you have with them while they are tiny. We have experienced so much. I remember pushing this little one out. I remember being so sad when we had to put our little one “under the lights” due to jaundice. I remember bringing him home and having Reese so interested in the new being. I remember struggling with clogged ducts and having to get my baby to latch on the boobie again. I remember nights of unbearable crying due to colic. I remember hearing his first sounds. I remember ...

First day home! And finally the day has come. Magnus Baimarro Barley was born on New Year's Day! What better way to start the new year! Magnus entered this world on January 1, 2019 at 12:13 EST. He weighed 6.36 pounds and measured at 19 3/4 inches. Magnus is literally everything I could never imagine. And this is the story of how he entered the world... Ever since I hit 38 weeks, I became more and more anxious about his arrival. I literally was dreaming about it constantly. I would constantly wake up in the morning hoping my bed was wet from my water breaking. It had seriously become an obsession. Not only an obsession, but also causing great anxiety. As I was approaching my 40 week mark, I had to start having conversations with my doctor about scheduling an induction at 41 weeks. So, we had that on the schedule. But, I really didn't want to have to be induce because of what I hear about how it can extend labor. So, I started to look into ways to naturally induce. Pineapp...

Photo Taken by Daddy, Edited by Mommy Well what a journey this has been! I would say it doesn't feel like it has been that long, but I would definitely not be telling the truth. LOL. It has been very long, but I am not rushing it. I want him to take the time he needs to be fully developed, strong and ready to go. Photo Taken by Uncle Roy; edited by Mommy At this point, I am about 95% prepared for his arrival. I have taken the hospital visit, birthing classes, crib and baby things are up and organized, bookcase is being constantly filled, interview with pediatricians this week, etc etc. I have to pack my hospital bag, but I am not going to over do it. My main essentials are my wireless speaker because I need some good music bringing life into this world, a candle because I want a nice aroma, and other lady essentials because I don't want to get caught up feeling gross. LOL The body is tired! I am still working however; but the body is tired. It is like my mind can...

Art in the back is so representative of this experience. Local DC Artist Officially 8 weeks away! I'm getting more excited everyday just to see this little boy of ours. My pastor continues to remind me that "when a child is born, so is the mother." I am still having a hard time imagining what this means to be someone's mother. Although, I have 'mothered' the cutest little yorkie for 9 years, lol, I only imagine this experience being so much differently.   At this point, I am mostly just tired. Like tired all the time. Like tired and easily annoyed. Like tired and don't want to be bothered. Like tired! LOL. I am looking forward to maternity leave. I am not rushing my delivery, I just want to be at home, cuddled up and eating, lol. My mom got me this 'maternity ball'. It is basically the big ball in any gym/exercise room. OMG, this things works wonders. The lower back pain is something serious. But sitting on this ball and moving around helps...

My 3 loves! So, I am officially 6 months pregnant! Woohoo! Thank God for the journey so far. (technically at this moment, I am 27 weeks, took me a week just to get this blog out, don't judge me lol) At this point, we have had our baby shower. Because of a previously planned trip to California, we decided to take full advantage. Thanks to my mom, Courtney and Coco, the baby shower was exactly what I needed. We are so grateful to everyo ne that came out and contributed to the welcoming of Baby Bam.  It was also very funny for people just trippin' out on Raven being pregnant. Good times.  Well, I am definitely noticeably pregnant at this point. Its no hiding that. During this period, I am mostly focused on getting exercise apart of my routine. This is not easy. When you work full time and get home; honestly, all I want to do is eat and sleep. But, I have been pushing through at least 3 times a week with doing a pregnancy workout video or taking a long walk. What I do k...

Its only right....my favorite would have the perfect song for my Bam Bam...." You'll always be a part of me I'm part of you indefinitely Boy, don't you know you can't escape me? Ooh, darling because you'll always be my baby"

So, I am officially 20 weeks along. At this point, I have adjusted to this new (yet, very temporary) body of mines. My symptoms have mostly settled down; besides, the occasional nausea, moodiness, back pains, tired. Okay, okay, okay...lol, guess I am still feeling pregnant. LOL. But for the most part, I feel like my normal self.  Now, everyone wants to know...have I felt the baby moving yet? Well, I will say yes. But, I haven't felt major kicks yet. The movement that I have felt is sort of hard to explain. It feels like movement lol. Like a shallow "thump" here and there.  The next big thing is..."so what are you having?" We found out this week it is a bouncing boy!!! Marvelous is definitely excited. I would say, I had not had my mind set on either or. I initially always thought I wanted a boy. Why? Well because I always felt more masculine than feminine. And I felt more comfortable with the idea of raising a boy than a girl. I was not comfortable with my ...

Not really knowing what to expect when you decide to make commitments.. But what I have learned about love is that you have to be open to "being loved".. I have loved plenty.  However, being loved in the most genuine way was initially difficult... I am talking about love you don't have to fight for.. Love that comes running for you.. Love that makes you a priority.. Love that do whatever it takes to make you feel secure. This love came in a package sent to me by God... I was resistant after first, but when I removed my rose-tented glasses, I was able to see all I ever needed to see.. It didn't take a ring for me to know I wanted to commit (but that's cool too - in my hoodrat voice).. Once I made the decision to create life with him, I made my commitment there. I do not make these decisions lightly and I cannot predict the future.. I can only say in this present day...I am content, I am happy and I am willing.. I love you my Marvelous...

So, at this point, I look obviously pregnant. However, I am still getting those looks from folks where they aren't too sure, so they just decide to stay silent. But, I do have folks that just come out with it "are you pregnant?" Well, luckily I can respond yes! lol because that would be totally embarrassing for all parties.  My cravings have mostly settled down (besides the urge for the $1 McChicken and the occasional frozen hot pickle lol). But, my appetite is just all over the place. It is like when I hear something, then I instantly want it. But that could also change. So, I am still not cooking as much as I would like, but I put forth the effort mostly for the man in the house. He be missing my cooking lol. The pregnancy hormones do have me bugging sometimes. I get extra emotional about stuff. I am already a very emotional person; although, I have a hard exterior. I cry quite often lol. And now it doesn't take much for someone to hurt my feelings or for me to ...

OMG! Something pretty unbelievable has happened.....I am pregnant! It is like a whirlwind of emotions. But I am excited to finally let people know. The longest 12 weeks ever! What a way to get me back blogging more regularly. I would love to share my experience, not only for public consumption, but mostly for the baby to view one day (after learning how to read at a very early age of course ;). Also, it will be good for me, so that I can remember, cherish and reflect on the journey. Sooooo......the first 12 weeks! How did I find out? Well, let's just say this...it was no accident. My boyfriend and I had decided that we would start to try. So, I got rid of my last packs of birth control pills, downloaded an app called "Flo" which tracks your ovulation and ordered an ovulation kit (March 2018). Well, we never got to use the ovulation kit because the app worked pretty well. I was a bit nervous about this "getting pregnant" situation because since I have been ...

Yes, so it is a new year. A chance to start the year of with a new start, with a new state of mind,  with new in tentions. I have to have a better year than last year, I just have too. Last year, yes, there was some beautiful moments, but when I think it through, geez it was pretty rough. I only worked for half of the year. And in that half of the year, I was super stressed. I was so depressed. And I was having a hard time finding help. Real help. I was in a very low place, but I was making money. I realized more and more that money does not rule me. And yes, sometimes money can make life easier, but it doesn't when it comes to stress. It can make life really feel like sh*t. I felt very alone also. Because most people just didn't understand what I was going through. Most people cannot understand someone else's level of stress. Because we all handle and process our problems very differently. So what may seem small to you, can be explosive to me and vice versa. For a long ...

Yep! So I tried it, ya know...one of those internet fitness craze. Its called Resultsin28days.com. The reason I tried it was because 1st: it was super cheap (about $40), 2nd: I was convinced with the routine, it looked simple enough and the food regiment was something that I was used to when I am on my conscious eating hype, 3rd: I looked at the before and after pics, and they looked believable. I know I needed something. My body was getting out of control. I just hated how I was looking and feeling in my clothes. Most important, I was become less and less comfortable with myself. I had a conversation with a girlfriend about us both feeling the need to get rid of our half-shirts. Knowing, it's one of my favorite clothing items. So, I said...forget that! I am getting back in control of this body of mines. Okay, the Exercises. So the exercises are fairly simple; however, I can see how it can be challenging for people who have never done any working out or may have more weight on ...

One thing that I have been struggling with lately has been friendships. Friendships. Seems as you start to get older, you start to drift apart from friends. Also, as you get older, it becomes difficult to make new friends.  Now that I have lived in Maryland for 2 years, it has been difficult coming to terms with the distance that I am away from friends (and family) back home. However, I think I believed I had a different expectation of how our friendships may evolve due to the distance. Yes, we are no longer in the same physical area, but that wouldn't caused a wedge in our union. (I now beg to differ). I do not hear much from my friends back home. Hell, I haven't had anyone visit either. Maybe a casual group text or a #shoutout here and there, but not the way I would like. I do not have social media, so I do not have that instant gratification of knowing what your friends are up too. BUT, I know I do what I can. I call, I text, I Marco Polo (a more intimate social media pl...

Just wanted to share the cutest little walking thing on earth...

Like, I need to get my sh*t together. I have been waking up the past few months and looking at myself in the mirror and really unhappy with what I see. What I do know, is that I have the discipline to do what needs to be done. However, I am tired of it going in waves. Like I go through these phases. A lot of this has to do with stress and depression. It will really kill you. I recently turned 32. Like, when did that happen though. I swear time be moving. You better move with it or you will get left. I know right now my body and my mind looks and feel sad. And, I really want to have a better hold over both. I need to take the reins back on my health. I need to do what is right for Raven. I am getting no younger. And, I know I want to be in the best health before I start popping out little Raven's lol. OMG! Like, I am seriously in baby-making age. LOL, thats pretty scary, I cannot lie. But I gotta have my body and mind right. Sometimes we get so focused on the body, and we forget the...

One my ongoing self exploration journey,lol, I have longed for something to connect with. I have always thought there had to be more. Not feeling as if this place we called America really belonged to me. Not feeling like it is my rightful place. Not feeling like my culture is deep enough. After traveling out of the country 5 times in 2 years (crazy! I know, I am sitting my a** down lol). I have found a new sense of pride in what it means to be American.  I know I would see the American flag and not know whether or not I can identify with it. Looking at America as it being the White man's country. Not being appreciative for all the blood and sweat that my elders put in building this country. I had for a long time envied my friends that were from other countries. How they can wear their colors proudly. How they can come together and enjoy their homeland food. It all clicked when I was in Togo. Like wait? We have all that in America.  I am proud to be American. I am even ...

So I finally made it. Awaited so long to go to Africa. Sh*t, anywhere in Africa. But, West Africa in particular. Why? Supposedly because of the Transatlantic Slave Trade. The dark history of what brought enslaved Africans to the Americas. The need to feel a connection to a long, lost, homeland. Being able to see with my own eyes what some of the countries are like. Well, instead of taking a trip to the beach this year for my birthday, I decided to go to Togo.  Here in Maryland, my closest thing to a family are a group of people from Togo. Before moving to the area, I had not known anyone from the country before. But spending most of my weekends with these guys, I have learned some things about the culture, food, music and language. One of them was traveling back home this month, so I decided to tag along. At first, I thought I would base my decision on what country to visit on my DNA results. I had that done a few months ago and the results came back saying that my bloodline was ...