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Growing older and growing apart.

One thing that I have been struggling with lately has been friendships. Friendships. Seems as you start to get older, you start to drift apart from friends. Also, as you get older, it becomes difficult to make new friends. 

 Now that I have lived in Maryland for 2 years, it has been difficult coming to terms with the distance that I am away from friends (and family) back home. However, I think I believed I had a different expectation of how our friendships may evolve due to the distance. Yes, we are no longer in the same physical area, but that wouldn't caused a wedge in our union. (I now beg to differ). I do not hear much from my friends back home. Hell, I haven't had anyone visit either. Maybe a casual group text or a #shoutout here and there, but not the way I would like. I do not have social media, so I do not have that instant gratification of knowing what your friends are up too. BUT, I know I do what I can. I call, I text, I Marco Polo (a more intimate social media platform), I send pics. But, I just don't feel like it is reciprocated in the same way. Yes, I do know that you cannot expect someone to be the friend to you that you are to them. We are all individuals. We all relate to people differently. We all need people in our life in different ways. BUT, I do know that it is now becoming exhausting for me to feel like I am giving so much of myself away without getting it in return.

 How come it feels like as we get older, people invest more time in their intimate relationships than they do their friendships? I get it. As we grow, we are focused on our households. We are focused on our careers. We are focused on building a family of our own. However, does those things truly distract away from our friendships? Can it be a balance? BUT as soon as one is heartbroken (God forbid), they run back to their friends. Must we chose between our intimate relationships and our friendships?

 Being in a new area, with no friends and family, obviously I have had to make new "friends." In the two years I have been year, that has been more than a challenge. I think the older you are the more content you are with your person. You are more sure of yourself, of your likes and dislikes. At 32, I know the kind of woman I am. I am aware of the energy that I seek to have around myself. And let me tell you hunny, it has been hard finding that compatible energy in a friend. Yes, I do have people that I enjoy, but you know that deep kinda friendship, someone who just really gets you, yea...I can't say I have found that. 

 I am a social butterfly. I thrive on having others around me. I really do enjoy it. Now, what do I do now that I have become pretty much a party of 1 (outside of the significant other). How do I grow into this new phase in my life? As I am writing, I hear Goapele saying "sometimes you just have to let it go." And that is exactly what I am focused on. I need to focus more on myself and stop looking outside of myself for happiness.

 Ohh happiness, a constant battle. 

 WWJD?
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