When two becomes one....well when does that happen? If we take a moment to be really literal...never! But if we consider this metaphorically....cohabitation!
How do you successfully bring two people together under one roof? How do you bring two upbringings together and make them both understanding of each other? How do we learn to bend? When do we know not to bend? How do you keep the spark lit?
How do you build a family? This is something that has been on my mind a lot! I live in a generation where "blended families" are suitably becoming the norm. And actually, I am approaching the age where many more people around have children. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately. How does one know that they are ready to have "children"? How does one comfortably take part in a "blended family" when only one partner brings children into the relationship? From experience, I know that this is not an easy task. Its very hard to understand the love a parent have for their child. Well actually, I am quite aware how much my mom loves her children. But still, not having children makes it really hard to fully understand. In creating this "blended family" you must become comfortable with not being priority. And this is no easy task. I know that sometimes I can be very selfish. I've actually had ex's tell me that they couldn't see me with children because of my selfishness (now that's just mean, and it hurts). But sometimes I sit and think: is there like a mommy gene that I am missing?
How do you bring together two different lifestyles? You know what I have have realized about relationships is that each partner has an understanding of the world. Each partner may have come into the relationship with a clear vision of what they would like their life to be. And sometimes you have one of the partners who may not have reached that point of clarity in that "vision." So how do allow for creativity and growth in the relationship while also holding on to your "self" and make time to create the "vision" that YOU would like to see.
How do you keep the intimacy alive? I believe that there are so many things involved in intimacy outside of the sexual encounters. However, I am also well aware of how important that is in both aspects. So would if in the relationship, one craves more than the other? How do you "bend" on that?
This thing called relationships or what I like to called it "partnerships" is something that I am learning.
Wow, I remember when things were much easier?
How do you successfully bring two people together under one roof? How do you bring two upbringings together and make them both understanding of each other? How do we learn to bend? When do we know not to bend? How do you keep the spark lit?
How do you build a family? This is something that has been on my mind a lot! I live in a generation where "blended families" are suitably becoming the norm. And actually, I am approaching the age where many more people around have children. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately. How does one know that they are ready to have "children"? How does one comfortably take part in a "blended family" when only one partner brings children into the relationship? From experience, I know that this is not an easy task. Its very hard to understand the love a parent have for their child. Well actually, I am quite aware how much my mom loves her children. But still, not having children makes it really hard to fully understand. In creating this "blended family" you must become comfortable with not being priority. And this is no easy task. I know that sometimes I can be very selfish. I've actually had ex's tell me that they couldn't see me with children because of my selfishness (now that's just mean, and it hurts). But sometimes I sit and think: is there like a mommy gene that I am missing?
How do you keep the intimacy alive? I believe that there are so many things involved in intimacy outside of the sexual encounters. However, I am also well aware of how important that is in both aspects. So would if in the relationship, one craves more than the other? How do you "bend" on that?
This thing called relationships or what I like to called it "partnerships" is something that I am learning.
Wow, I remember when things were much easier?
Raven, it is 6 years later...how do you feel about this post now?
ReplyDeleteI do feel mostly the same. However:
DeleteBeing a priority. I no longer wanted to sacrifice that. I had done that for a long time, and in doing that I was sacrificing what I really needed. I needed to be a priority, but I wanted to be in love with folks who could not make me a priority. That was super confusing. And now I understand better than ever what it means to be a priority in a relationship and how secure that makes you feel
Growth in each other while in a relationship: I think growth is important. I do believe sometimes people grow in different directions; however, I do not believe that this always has to end up in separation. Unless the two growth paths are aligned with totally different value systems, that can cause problems. I think it is important to allow for room for growth individually and as a unit. In that growth, there has to be respect and accommodations made for each others growth. If that is not there, than it will be difficult to maintain the unit. The key word in this is GROWTH!! If one person is growing (in whatever direction) and the other is not; that makes it difficult to build a partnership.
Intimacy: very important. But each person needs to understand what that means for each other. Because everyone does no experience intimacy in the same way. And there has to be respect for that difference.