LIFE LOVE AND MONEY

Everything that totally has me bothered right now..

We won't get to much into detail about finances...but just note that I don't have it! I'm trying to figure out a clever way to get on the Uncle Sam's list to send me a check without having to pop one out!!

Life...OMG!! Grad School is about to start and thats totally frightening!!

Love...that shit just stinks! Seems like every time I give myself completely to someone..i am just hurt! Is it meant for me? Because i am ready to give up on this sh*t. I try to put myself in my daughters shoes. even though she doesnt exist yet (so for the future, i am sorry my love for putting so much pressure on you before you are even here)

But i ask myself...would i want my daughter to be dealing with this?

Is it possible that there are some people on this earth who is just not meant to give love? I am having a hard time believing that...but hey! we are all not built the same

I am really trying, and it seems as if i just continue to fail at it!
Well i am currently at my lowest! Am i screaming out for help...well maybe!! But at the same time, i dont even know how to except that...so i am just drowning in my despair...

FYI drink of choice tonight: a little tequila, a HEFE, and some cloves

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32 weeks...its getting closer!

Art in the back is so representative of this experience. Local DC Artist Officially 8 weeks away! I'm getting more excited everyday just to see this little boy of ours. My pastor continues to remind me that "when a child is born, so is the mother." I am still having a hard time imagining what this means to be someone's mother. Although, I have 'mothered' the cutest little yorkie for 9 years, lol, I only imagine this experience being so much differently. At this point, I am mostly just tired. Like tired all the time. Like tired and easily annoyed. Like tired and don't want to be bothered. Like tired! LOL. I am looking forward to maternity leave. I am not rushing my delivery, I just want to be at home, cuddled up and eating, lol. My mom got me this 'maternity ball'. It is basically the big ball in any gym/exercise room. OMG, this things works wonders. The lower back pain is something serious. But sitting on this ball and moving around helps...

and just like that, I am a Mother!

First day home! And finally the day has come. Magnus Baimarro Barley was born on New Year's Day! What better way to start the new year! Magnus entered this world on January 1, 2019 at 12:13 EST. He weighed 6.36 pounds and measured at 19 3/4 inches. Magnus is literally everything I could never imagine. And this is the story of how he entered the world... Ever since I hit 38 weeks, I became more and more anxious about his arrival. I literally was dreaming about it constantly. I would constantly wake up in the morning hoping my bed was wet from my water breaking. It had seriously become an obsession. Not only an obsession, but also causing great anxiety. As I was approaching my 40 week mark, I had to start having conversations with my doctor about scheduling an induction at 41 weeks. So, we had that on the schedule. But, I really didn't want to have to be induce because of what I hear about how it can extend labor. So, I started to look into ways to naturally induce. Pineapp...

36 weeks! Officially 9 months preggers!

Photo Taken by Daddy, Edited by Mommy Well what a journey this has been! I would say it doesn't feel like it has been that long, but I would definitely not be telling the truth. LOL. It has been very long, but I am not rushing it. I want him to take the time he needs to be fully developed, strong and ready to go. Photo Taken by Uncle Roy; edited by Mommy At this point, I am about 95% prepared for his arrival. I have taken the hospital visit, birthing classes, crib and baby things are up and organized, bookcase is being constantly filled, interview with pediatricians this week, etc etc. I have to pack my hospital bag, but I am not going to over do it. My main essentials are my wireless speaker because I need some good music bringing life into this world, a candle because I want a nice aroma, and other lady essentials because I don't want to get caught up feeling gross. LOL The body is tired! I am still working however; but the body is tired. It is like my mind can...

WHEN A BIRD SINGS....

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